Lost and Found

Back then, I really don't have issues with religion. Maybe because ever since I was a child, I am aware that my parents are both active in church. People around would always tell me that my parents are such a good role models (and oh,they really are!) and that we should act like them. I can still remember the times we always go to church together every Sundays and sometimes they also bring us to prayer meetings and some church gatherings. But back then, I really don't have any idea why we do such things, all I know is that I have to go with them and obey them, although I already have the concept that there is "GOD". But who is "God" after all? Why can't I see Him?


I always go to church every Sunday because my mom keeps on reminding me that I have to go, that I should not miss not a single Sunday to glorify and praise Him. So during that time, I go to church unwillingly- that's my concept about religion back then,you go to church,obey your mother,listen to homily,write the gospel in a paper (it's a requirement in our school!), you sing with the choir,you say AMEN. That's it.


Not until I went to manila and found the Victory church inside St Thomas Square. Actually, I really have no intentions to go there, I just accompanied my friend who is a Born again christian. At first, I thought it will be just a boring sermon where all you have to do is to listen to the pastor and sit there like for 2 hours. But I was wrong! When they started to sing, I can feel their sincerity and their intense love to Him. At first, I was hesitant to sing with them, but when I started to close my eyes and lift my arms, I can almost feel that I am singing directly to God, and believe me, it's the most amazing experience I have ever felt in my life. I am so amazed with these people because they are not ashamed to show their love for God.


At that time, it became a habit that every Sunday, I have to be there and listen to the pastor's sermon, it always uplifts my spirit. They never fails to remind me that I am so blessed to be loved by Him. And I am very much grateful because I have found Him. I love Him and forever will glorify him.

...

Nung isang linggo,nabadtrip ako dun sa mga babeng ngphophotocopy,sinundan pa yun ng lalake na nagpprint at driver na kaskasero at antipatiko..haiz..Bakit ba kelangan na sabay sabay ko makasalamuha ang mga taong ganito sa loob lang ng isang araw...

Pero..naisip ko..masaya din pag aralan ang ugali ng isang tao..Natutunan ko to nung mga panahong nagaaral pa ako...

Eto ang ilan sa mga personality disorders...(aminado ako,kabilang ako jan..)

Schizoid- Eto ang mga taong ayaw makisalamuha sa ibang tao..masyado silang mailap at hindi sila ngeenjoy makisama sa iba

Avoidant- Para din tong schizoid,masyado silang mailap sa tao.Takot sila makatanggap ng criticisms at rejection.

Anti social- Ah,eto may kilala akong ganito,hehe..mga taong madaming angst sa buhay. Mga pasaway.. Mga taong ang hilig lang eh sumuway sa batas.

Borderline- Mga taong suicidal. Mag-ingat sa mga ganitong klase ng tao..may nakasama ako dating ganyan at puro sakit lang ng ulo ang binigay sakin. Sila ang mga taong paiba iba ng mood..pwedeng masaya sya ngaun maya maya naman nde na xa ok..

Dependent- hehe..aminado ako..kabilang ako dito.. Fave nameng linya eh "I can't live without you".

Histrionic- Asar naman ang mga taong ganito..Gusto nila lage ng atensyon,masayado silang excited sa lahat ng bagay. Most of the time dramatic pero manipulative. Madali lng malaman kung histrionic ang isang tao..tingnan nio na lng kung pano sila manamit..hehe

Narcissistic- Maraming lalakeng ganito. Mga self centered,walang ibang mahal kundi ang sarili nila..Mag sama sama na lng kaung mga narcissists..che!hehe

Obsessive Compulsive- syempre kabilang ulit ako d2..hehe..nde ako kuntento hangga't hinde ko paulit ulit na ginagawa ang isang bagay..sigurista kumbaga..lahat naman siguro tau eh guilty dito..

heartbreak 101

This is the last time that I am going to talk err... write about it.(sna nga)It freakin hurts to let go of someone at the time your loving that person the most.Probably,that's the painful part of letting go.And it's not that easy although my friends keep telling me that I should get myself busy,divert my attention and just move on.It's never that easy.
A heartbreak is like a nightmare,it haunts you everynight,thinking about the things that both of you used to share.Now tell me how can I ever move on if every single thing reminds me of him...
I am forcing myself to believe that I am better off without him but why do I feel so empty?It's really hard to pretend.Who was I fooling?
Maybe,I just have to wait until my feelings for him subsides and die a natural death. For now, Im just gonna cry on it...

Flashback

I miss school..it's been a year after graduation but i still can't accept the fact that i am no longer a student...

FLASHBACK...

I was 17 yrs old then,so young and innocent (angal?).The idea of entering college excites me. I mean, this is the first time that I will be away from my family and friends.Away from my comfort zone.Isn't that exciting?Having a taste of what they call freedom...

But then again..when classes began,whoah!I never thought it could be this hard.The first month was like hell.I was having a hard time mingling with my classmates. I was a loner back then..I couldn't understand their dialect!How the hell am i gonna survive college?It seems that i am into another dimension.But this is my decision,nobody forced me so I have no choice but to stand for my own decision.And the hardest part is to admit that you did the wrong decision. I was weak then to admit that i was wrong.That's how my first year ended,full of regrets...Three more years of hell...

Second year.. Nothing has changed..I am still a loner,this is the time wherein I started to doubt myself.Am I really doomed to be a loser?I have come to realize that there is something wrong with me and I have to do something about it.I started to open myself to others,though i am still not comfortable and a little bit unease with the fact that I am sharing my story and my life with these people whom I personally do not know.But hey..it was fun though..

I learned how to trust others,but maybe i got carried away with the trust i am giving them that these people starts abusing it.What the hell is wrong with these people?I just wanted to go home,cursed them and be with the people who accepts me whole heartedly...(pero ang kasamaan ay laging nde ngwawagi..ahahaha..)

Two more years and IM DONE. yey!

Third year.Im starting to enjoy school this time..Hey,college isn't bad after all.Finally, I am enjoying the gift of freedom-without limitations...oopps, maybe theres something wrong with the scenario.Going to school with hangovers to the extent of failing some of my exams isn't cool..It's way way cooler!haha..Sometimes,it feels good to do something beyond your limits,without thinking if it's wrong or right.Haha!That 's what college is all about..

Finale.I met new sets of friends whom I can share the craziness of life.Im done.What have I learned after 4 years of what I used to think as hell?Well I learned how to appreciate things,and gracefully accepted the fact that life is unfair and you shouldn't be bitter if things dont't work out the way you wanted it to happen..It's a battle,and I think, I made a good fight.